Vivid memories invade my mind. I suddenly remember the smells. I catch an aroma in my nose. I can feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. The sounds of life filter into my ears, of life that was then. That moment captured, in time.
I see myself. I remember.
I want to be in that moment now.
I want to live in that moment, that time.
I want time to stand still, to be in an loop of then, not now.
I want to go back where life felt full of promise. I had hope, I felt love. I hadn't yet travelled to where I am now.
I want to exist there, where life was sunny and joy-filled. I want to keep seeing through those rose-tinted lens.
I don't want to see reality; the world as it is.
I want to be in that moment of possibility, where I felt alive, real. I felt truly - me.
The rose-tint is fading though as life comes into focus.
Sorrow filters into the lens, then tears escape from my eyes, from my spirit as I see reality.
I cry these tears which you hold, Lord
You see the sorrow in my spirit.
You see into the depths of me.
You see my longing, my loss, my pain, my hurt.
The illusion of that loop in time - it is in my mind alone - that denial of reality.
But You see, You know, You comfort, You give hope, my Lord.
There is a time for life - now.
You can restore the years.
You can heal and set this heart free.
You have plans and a hope for the future, now, in this time. In this moment, in reality.
My tears will be wiped away as your life and hope well up in me.
Life - now.
The Lord is my rock and I take refuge in Him, to dwell in Him is reality - that true place of safety, where I can be alive, real, and really me, in truth.
As I search for that safe place, it is only in you Lord.
As my tears fade, You are the place I long for. You are the place of true promise, hope, possibility and love.
No moment in time, no place on earth can fulfil that real longing in me.
You are what I long for Lord.
You are that place of truth, security and love.
You are my refuge, my dwelling place.
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