Invisible and lost.....

The mirror captures me. I see myself, my existence within it's frame. I am there, yet as I wander through the trail of life, navigating through the complexity of humanity, I am invisible.

I have trodden the paths of the past, as if unnoticed, moving quietly through the events of life - of people, places and circumstances. My Lord walks with me and He strengthens me. He sees me. But to the world, I am unseen.

My voice is silenced as I disconnect from all that is around me.

I walk through life as if in a different phase in time - an alternate reality - out of phase from life, from those around me. I see them, but I am not seen.

Occasionally I click back into sight - hope rises up in me as I connect, as I am seen - in a brief moment of clarity. Then as if being swept away by hidden currents, I am pulled out of sight again.

I find myself shouting and crying out in vain, to be heard, to be seen - I am lost again.

Understanding evades me as frustration, anger and hopelessness mingle, as I withdraw again within myself, away from life. Silenced, voiceless, invisible again.

The cry of my heart, Lord, is that Your love be known to people. That they have true life in You.  

But how can I tell of this and show Your love if I am out of phase - unseen, invisible, unnoticed and lost? How can I be used for you as I am? Is healing needed - of unseen wounds, of deep rejection and failure that creep with me through life?

Can I then break free - out of the enemy's prison that seeks to hold me?

But it drags me back at every opportunity, as I see the light fading and the darkness pushes me again out of sight, in this unseen battle.

I feel alone in this cycle - here on earth - an earth full of darkness with unseen forces imprisoning me - keeping me from freedom - keeping me hidden. I know my heavenly Father walks with me, but on earth my disconnection separates me from life, it separates me from a fulfilled purpose - a life of worth, of hope.

This journey is not of this earth. I battle forces I cannot see, desperate to be in the Kingdom of antithesis to this world and of darkness - a Kingdom of the eternal - of God.

I want to see this Kingdom as I shift in and out of sight on earth in this hidden battle. I want to live in that Kingdom of God, knowing my real purpose, an eternal truth, to be more like Christ. It all seems futile unless Christ is in focus.

It is Christ that lives in me. It is Christ that brings me into vision, as I live for Him. As I walk in Him - we can display that kingdom. He can use my fragile body, my fragile soul, my fragile spirit and the darkness won't hide me. He can restore me to wholeness as my goal is to honour Him alone.

My goal is for the kingdom - for life. I pray that the kingdom be seen as I connect to life for Him, here on earth. The unseen battle rages though as I push forward.

God is the Victor. I have the victory in Christ. He will bring me into focus in this battle. I will not be silenced by the darkness of the enemy. I will continue to walk in the light - seen and alive. I pray others can see the beauty of Christ too - in truth and victory as we live in that true kingdom. A kingdom of healing, of hope, of freedom, of light in the darkness.

The kingdom of God.